Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
