So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize