There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
