does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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