Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
