I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
