I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
