you have to choose: penises or morals?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
