So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
