Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
