i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
