i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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