I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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