Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
