ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
