david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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