If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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