so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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