I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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