found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
