Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
