if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
