I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Drunk is a universal language darling
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