Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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