You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
