dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
