The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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