at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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