my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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