I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
