tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
