I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
