you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
