Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
