so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
