The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
