Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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