For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
