he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize