It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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