I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
