My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Im part way to drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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