Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
