Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
