Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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