At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
