were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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