Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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