Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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