I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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