Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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