i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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