What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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