I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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