I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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