she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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