So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
