I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
