i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
