I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
